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Hare, FRB, FBI & Brainless Award Winner (Basic Hash Trash)
Shitty Name &
Access All Areas were the hares, Cougar Whisperer was the FRB, Just Amelia was
the FBI, Rektal Spielunker won the Brainless Award, Shitty Name was the RA &
Inda Linda was the On Sec. Did I miss anybody?
It was the windiest day
of the year. Many of us gathered under a pavilion near the water to get briefed
on the markings for the short trail leading up to the beer mile. Dab RA'd till
the hares were called in and Liquor wrote a cute blessing.
Mounds of flour were laid on the beach and through the fields and we quickly found our way to the beer mile location. All participants lined up four cans and wrote their name in chalk in front of their beer line. Rules were 1.Stay on the left of the orange flags. 2)Finish all your beer in your can before you run. 3)Puke and you get disqualified.
Lap 1: Slower runners were faster chuggers and slower chuggers were faster runners and Cougar was both a fast chugger and fast runner.
Lap 2: Diaper Dasher is out. There's not much room in there for beer.
Lap 3: Just Chad is out. There was only a bit more room in there for beer. Shitty had enough and quit. Generally speaking beer mile is bearable until about lap 3. After lap 3 I was starting to taste my lunch from hours before. You drink the beer then you use the lap to shake the bubbles out and burp.
Lap 4: Cougar comes in first. Then I believe Rectal Spielunker came after (maybe Dances with Seamen but I don't remember if he finished).
The only people left are me and Peter Phile. We're both trying to finish our last beers. I have no room left in my stomach. Every ounce is just stabbing me. I look around and while Peterphile is encouraging he is going to easily get that last beer down. He does and goes off to finish. I am the last one. Everyone is cheering me on. "Finish!" "You can do it!" "Go Inda Linda!" but my stomach was killing me. I didn't want stand. I didn't want to hear any more noise. I just wanted to go off into the field and curl up into the fetal position and breathe. Whats worse is I'm getting drunker by the second and it's incredibly windy. I had a fifth of my beer left and I knew I could walk the last lap but there was the problem of finishing the last beer. I had my head down, there was cheering, there was contemplation, there was a surprise stunt liver waiting in the midst. He grabbed my hand and forced a high five and then grabbed my beer, then grabbed my arm, and pulled me out onto the field. It was me, Rectal Spielunker, and the sweet On Ahead walking that last lap. We finished! Without them and everyone cheering I would have been a sad drunken lady filled with four beers with only 3 laps complete.
We painfully walked back and had a barbecue which was a great idea once all the beer settled in our stomachs. Puppy manned the grill to cook sausages quickly before sundown. The on on after was at Shitty Names place. I won't reveal much but HPV's crotch caught fire, we got our past present and future read by Gritty Kitty, and I lost my pimp ring in a beer pong match.
On-Who knew the hardest part of the beer mile was drinking the beer?-On,
Trail Directions & Info
Beer Mile Trail
Hash Raffle & Cook Out
Saturday, December 29th, 2012
the parking area of the Picnic Island boat launch, located at
When:Meet at 2 PM, on trail at 3 PM. Please note the earlier than usual time to make time for the cookout at the park afterwards in the daylight.
From I-275 & I-4,
in Central Tampa, go south on I-275 to Exit 41A. Go
south on Dale Mabry for 5.7 miles. Go right on Interbay Blvd for 1.4 miles. Go
left on W Commerce Blvd for 1.1 miles. Go left on Picnic Island Blvd for .3
Make a slight right in the boat dock parking lot and look for hashers. For
a map, go to
Trail:This will be a 3-4 mile, pre-set, dead hare trail with a beer mile along the way, which will also be the beer stop. Expect a shiggy level of 2-3 on at 1-5 scale with 5 being the highest.
Hares:Shitty Name & Access All Areas will be the hares.
Donations:Suggest $10 for drinkers and $7 for non-drinkers. Subtract $4 if not staying for cookout afterwards.
On After:The on after will be a cook out on Picnic Island where burgers and brauts will be served. Request everyone bring a small side dish. For example; baked beans, cole slaw, lettuce salad & dressing, chips & dip, mac-n-cheese, watermelon, pasta salad, celery & carrot sticks & ranch dressing, shrimp & horse radish sauce platter, potato salad, cheese & crackers, etc. Please specify what you plan to bring when RSVPing. Or, suggest you donate an additional $3 if you don't bring anything. Please review the below "Who's Coming List" first to see what other people are bringing first so we don't all bring the same side dish.
Who's Coming So Far:Click here to see who's coming so far and what they plan to bring as a side dish.
RSVP: Please let us know if you will be attending and what you plan to bring as a side dish, or if you just plan to donate an additional $3 instead. Send your RSVP email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hash Raffle:Yes, there will be a hash raffle. Bring your stuff to donate. One person's trash is another person's treasure.
Phone Number:For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.
Receding Hareline:Click here to view it.