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Jolly Roger H3 |
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Pre-Trail Hare Poem
We say goodbye to another year
A year full of trail, sweat, and beer
As if this party wasn’t big enough,
I’ll let you in on some interesting stuff
I learned some news from a little birdie
This is Thumper’s first full day of being thirty
So celebrate age or celebrate beauty
Hell, celebrate a chance to get some drunk booty!
It’s that time of year for Christmas cheer
So let’s down our shots and drink more beer.
Hare Puzzle
Before Hares Away, we have a little
puzzle for you. The person who is able to figure out what each shot was named
and what order we drank them in gets first dibs on the leftover shot mixtures
after trail.
Here’s your hint: There once was a Floridian pirate enjoying the fresh bay
breeze when he smelled platelets on the air! He hunted until he found the virgin
and her bleeding Snatch that he had scented. He went down on her and came back
up with dragon’s breath. Not satisfied with cunnilingus, he pushed in his
screwdriver and drove it in and out until it looked like a bloody jackhammer.
The virgin-no-longer looked down and said “my cranberry’s smashed!” “Don’t
worry,” the pirate said, “it felt like Mom’s apple pie.” After sex, they each
took a shot of tequila and called it a night.
1st Shot: Beer (Thumper, Shitty, Ship, and Fuckle)
As we do on this first stop
We drink our beer and not miss a drop.
We toast to hashers that are far away
And we toast to ‘G’ in our own special way.
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot,
So stand there and get ready to down your shot.
Thumper and Shitty at times forget to mark trail,
But the pack always manages to find the ale.
Ship and Fuckle are in a hopeless bromance,
It’s not gay if they keep it in their pants.
On the first day of Hashmas
My true love gave to me –
A hand job that wasn’t worth a fuck
2nd Shot: Floridian Pirate (JustJolene, JustDerrin, Purple Penis, and
GoDaddy)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Just Jolene and Just Derrin were able to make it,
But they are just “Justs” so who gives a shit.
Purple Penis Eater and Go Daddy have kinky Jurassic Park sex,
Daddy waves his dick like a flare and pretends she’s a T-Rex.
On the Second day…two blue balls
3rd Shot: Bay Breeze (YMCA, UrineTrouble, and IndaLinda)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Young men who need a place to lay,
Find its fun to stay in the YMCA.
If you step in a puddle you better beware,
Urine Trouble might have just been there.
IndaLinda is quick and quite often in da lead,
She’d definitely be an A in a human centipede.
On the Third day…three French whores
4th Shot: Platelets (OnAhead, Metawhorical and B&B)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
On Ahead is loving, gentle, and kind,
And flashes at titty checks, she doesn’t mind.
Metawhorical Sunshine loves going to the bars,
Just not crossing the street and getting hit by cars.
B&B our Bucs are playoff bound; the season’s almost over,
I hope no one can tell, that I wrote this one in October.
On the Fourth day…four calling girls
5th Shot: Bleeding Snatch (Dab, Lepracock, ShitzAhoy, and Shame Eww)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
With a map his sense of directions may lack,
But damn, Dab looks fly with his fanny pack.
Lepracock wants to FRB but often fails,
Because he constantly finds all the bad trails.
Shitz Ahoy works overtime because he needs those dollars,
But spends almost as much time tweaking his Beer Brawlers.
Shame Eww is from Georgia where there’s plenty of shiggy
Up there if you hear banjos you’re going to squeal like a piggy.
Fifth day – five gold cock rings
6th Shot: Dragon’s Breath (Dick Whisperer, Soju, Debbie, and Lucky)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Dick Whisperer can down a beer, but wine is really her thing
Just give her a bottle or three, and she’ll talk ‘til your ears ring
Soju is visiting on his holiday route
Those 12-year-old girls had better watch out!
After these dozen shots I can clearly foresee
Debbie in final circle, skirt lifted to pee
A hand-made Flabongo is Lucky’s vessel of choice
The way he wraps his lips around it makes gay birds rejoice
Sixth day – six 69ers
7th Shot: Screwdriver (Bimbo, SemperBi, Nauti, and Gator)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Bimbo has hashed across the map,
She’ll drink and fuck then take a nap.
At the Trash Prom, Semper Bi wore a dress that the men all adore
But Nauti thought she looked more like an “Old Timey Whore”.
Everyone loves when Nauti call Girl’s in town,
But no one knows why she’s still fucking this clown.
Gator tries to lead the pack and drink all the booze,
If his legs ran as fast as his mouth, he’d never lose.
Seventh day – seven sucking sisters
8th Shot: Bloody Jackhammer (Turcockiron, DeBoner, KittyLitter, and
UDrive)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Turcockiron can hash with a vessel filled to the top,
Run through the roughest shiggy and not spill a drop.
DeBoner’s come back to visit where she hashed,
Let’s help her celebrate by getting her trashed.
UDrive loves to laugh and has a voice with a boom,
She’s the loudest one you hear when you enter a room.
KittyLitter doesn’t range or so he claims,
That hairy old man is off chasing dames.
Eighth day – eight edible panties
9th Shot: Cranberry Snatch (S&M, Fairy, HPV, and IBS)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Pittsburg has no bigger fan then IBS,
Who would root for them is anyone’s guess.
Hash appropriateness Fairy is still trying to figure out,
More cheese balls in the brainless would help no doubt.
He wins the raffle’s fuck toys and it couldn’t be sweeter,
Because it turns out HPV’s dick is a hell of an egg beater.
S&M Ken does hash, they aren’t old wives’ tales,
You might know him from your inbox and his fifty emails.
Ninth day – nine nibbled nipples
10th Shot: Mom’s Apple Pie (Cow, Goo, Creamy and [honorary CallTripleD])
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
Cow Fluffer is pretty swift, well for her age she’s fast,
Who am I kidding? I know she could kick my ass!
It would be a Hashmas Beericle to see,
Even one of Goo’s lovely boobies.
Creamy’s the kind of teacher that if we had her class,
We’d keep coming to school just to see her ass.
The guys are a quite sad CallTripleD couldn’t be here today,
Cause she took her giant tits with her when she moved away.
Tenth day – ten tons of titties
11th Shot: After Sex (PissyBooHoo, Rash4Days, and The Bull)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
At a full moon hash Pissy Boo Hoo didn’t want to be rude,
So she put her clothes back on and asked why we weren’t nude.
Rash4Days with a great body and an infectious smile,
Broke many hasher hearts when she went down the aisle.
The Bull will snort flour the size of a mountain,
Then strip off her pants and jump in a fountain.
Eleventh day – eleven lickable lesbians
12th Shot: Tequila/Tequila Rose (SpreadCheeks; then etc…)
Hashmas is about drinking and we mean a lot
So stand there and get ready to down your shot
I saved Spread’s for last cause he often comes late,
I hear his limo is a good place to masturbate.
(Call everyone in that haven’t been called in yet)
For all of those that I might have missed,
You’re all still loved, no need to be pissed.
Tis the season to drink beer and rum,
Running around naked shaking our bum.
Twelfth day – twelve twats a’twitching.
F*ckle Up
.
Hash Trash(es)
.
Thumper Humper, Shitty Name & F*ckle Up were the hares,
Choice Of A New Penetration was the FRB, Creamy Cum Cake was the FBI and Just Do
It and Just Did It won the brainless award.
Dab
The success of Hashmas could be summed up by the clarity of the song at the final shot stop. The hares decided that at each stop we should sing the 12 Down- Downs of Hashmas revealing a new lyric for the corresponding day at that particular stop. In the beginning we were slightly coherent (as good as Hashers can get) and the songs could be understood by passers by. By the 12th down-down the entire song was blurred together by the pack. Over 30 drunk hashers singing different lyrics with different timing all to the melody of the 12 Days of Christmas. It was a touching site to see. Some shots were interesting, some shots were delicious, and some shots were... well...memorable. However I can say that they came together well chemically to help create a delightful experience...unless you took the Eagle trail :) The poem was clever and fun and the trail was versatile enough to keep our attention. We were delighted to see new faces and faces that were gone too long. We had just the right amount of dirty Santa and Ho Ho Ho's. All in all it was one of my more memorable trails. Thanks Thumper Humper, Shitty Name, and Fuckle!
Inda Linda
Trail Directions & Info
Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Trail #738
12 Down Downs For Hashmas
Christmas Eve, Eve, TGIF Hash
Friday, December 23rd, 2011
Theme: What better way to celebrate Christmas Eve Eve than drinking alcohol, singing hashing songs, drinking alcohol, and hanging out with a bunch of fun (if not odd) people? Throw in 12 shots, a trail through neighborhoods awash with Christmas lights, celebrating an AWESOME hasher's birthday (i.e. Thumper Humper), and a very cool PATCH for the 1st 30 hashers that RSVP, and you have Jolly Roger H3's inaugural 12 Down-Downs of Hashmas!
Where: Park in the Sweetbay Supermarket parking lot, located at 2100 W Swann Ave, in Tampa, FL. It in the southwest corner of Swann and Albany. Then, walk across the street (Albandy that is) to the west and meet in the parking area just south of the tennis courts and baseball fields. Click here for a map.
When: Meet at 6:30 PM, hares away at 7:30 PM.
Directions: From I-275 & I-4, in Central Tampa, go south on I-275 for 1.4 miles to Exit 42 toward Howard & Armenia. Go left on Armenia for 1.3 miles. Go left on Swann for .2 miles and find the Sweetbay parking lot on the left. Click here for a map.
Hares: Thumper Humper, Shitty Name & F*ckle Up will be the hares.
Donations: Suggest $16 for drinkers $4 non-drinkers.
What it Includes: All the beer you can drink, 12 different shots (and finishing off the leftovers), a very cool patch (first 30 or so to RSVP), a personalized poem mentioning everyone who RSVPs by 16 Dec, plus more fun and frivolity than you can shake a stick at.
Suggested Hash Hotel: There really is not an "official" hash hotel, but you are within walking distance to the Hyde Park Hotel, located at 2105 W Bristol Ave (its behind the Sweetbay). To get there from the Sweetbay parking lot, go right on Albany for .2 miles. Go right on Bristol for 148 feet and find the Hyde Park Hotel on the right. Click here for a map. To make a reservation there, call 866-539-0036.
Who's Coming: Click here to see who's coming so far.
RSVP: To get on the "Who's Coming List", send an email to Thumper Humper at narcedagain@gmail.com and to Dab at dab@jollyrogerh3.com.
RSVP Deadlines:
JRH3 12 DD Patches: First Cum, First Served! Only the first 30 or so hashers to RSVP will be getting a patch (already designed and ordered). Act quickly as over 30 “slots” have already been “filled.” But keep RSVPing. Some may not show up and the hares need to have an idea how many shots they will need.
Poem Inclusion - 16 Dec: The hares will be writing a poem featuring all of our favorite hashers (i.e. the ones attending our trail)…as long as you RSVP by 16 Dec. Expect much wittiness and humor.
Final Deadline - 20 Dec: Give us a chance to make sure we have more than enough booze to pour down your throats.
Attire:
Dress up and show off your holiday spirit!
Ugly holiday sweaters and other ridiculous holiday garb are highly encouraged!
Expect to walk the vast majority of trail with hares in sight.
Vessels:
This trail will include 12 shot stops, but only the alcohol will be supplied, so
bring your own shot vessel on trail! The hares will pour the same amount in
every vessel, so size actually doesn’t matter in this instance.
Shiggy Level:
1 on a
1-5 scale
with 5 being the highest.
Remarks:
Spread the word! We already have hashers visiting from England
and Korea, Orlando and tentative hashers from Jacksonville. The more, the merrier!
On After: The on after will be at the Lime, located at 915 S Howard St. To get there from the starting location, suggest you leave your car parked at the start and walk. Go right on Albany for .2 miles. Go right on Bristo for .1 mile. Go left on Howard and find the Lime on your right. Click here for a map.
Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call 813-943-4855.
Receding Hareline: Click here to view it.