Jolly Roger H3 Hash Trash
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Hares: Lost My Balls, Run DMC, Rectal Roommate

Hashing doesn't get any better than having Baby Ruths and liquid gold on trail! Seven Jolly Roger H3 first-timers joined the pack thinking they would get a ride in the S.S. Balls and get caught in booby traps. Taint Tickler put on the 1,069 pound chain without a smile this time as luck had it, he had to give it up a few days ago to a stronger, faster, YOUNGER harrier. A few special awards were given for a couple of short bus wanks, Shitz Ahoy received his belated 10 JRH3 run headband, and I received my belated but much appreciated red tag for 20 trail harings. It’s nice to have something to show for haring besides a white powdered butt crack. The hares gave us chalk talk and as usual, the package check sign was missing in the line-up (bastards).

ON-OUT!

Wanks head through tall grass, saw palmettos and blue glitter. GatorAte was the first to find the blue glitter; I laughed at him thinking it was just weird fungus until I found myself face down in the blue shiny stuff (thanks CFB!). The entrance to the woods was littered with booby traps; Yeast Infection, U-Drive and Just Alexis couldn’t get enough of playing with them. Written clues were found on trail that gave wanks an idea where to find the liquid gold, and with 16 bottles of gold out there, who do you think picked them up? I know GatorAte was hot on trail doing his best to sniff them out before the virgin runners sucked them all up. A ladies’ check was placed very close to a clue with a photo of some dorky looking guy on it; so the check was lost in the FRB’s mad search for the gold, so I flashed myself. The terrain turned into swampland and trail was very entertaining; we watched a virgin FRB fall-through rotted tree trunks while the rest of us slogged through the water. No gators were in sight, but the hares made sure we’d run into a pigmy rattlesnake who welcomed us to a true trail sign. Thinking back, that is where we lost a handsome FRB virgin harrier and Backdoor; I’ll leave it at that.

Rectal Roommate was the interim captain of the S.S. Balls and fought off alligators and water moccasins to bring the pack a case of beer for the beer stop; complete with mosquitoes as mean as his mom and the size of his grandma. After seeing welts the size of soccer balls on our faces, we requested permission to press on-ahead (where was she, anyway?); and the hares gave us their blessing. We ran as fast as we could to keep the blood suckers off of our bug-sprayed skin, to no avail. The rain came down and we lost our weak bug spray protection as well as our vision; making it a tough run through the forest. After I hit a cypress knee, I scored a 9.4 belly-flop into the mud; but now I wonder if it was really Leprecock and not a cypress knee that tripped me up--as there was liquid gold near-by.

CIRCLE UP!

The turkeys made it to finish as we changed the circle location to where the food was (bright idea!) and trail trial commenced. Taint gave trail a thumbs-up because he left the 5,069 pound chain behind and did not obtain any new bruises on the run. The others exercised the usual gripes, not enough boobies, not enough shiggy and where the hell was the package check? We were entertained by virgins strong enough to make it through trail and circle with a few jokes and some grass wrestling. Flying Under the Influence and GoDaddy.cum were tied up for 10 hash runs, and Bed & Buckfest hit her 100 hash milestone. GatorAte won the FRB, however Taint must wear the chain on trail for the rest of the year because he purposely locked it up in his car. Taint Tickler won the brainless award for thinking nobody would notice where the 10,069-pound chain went and that he wasn’t wearing it on trail. Just Andrew was up for a naming, and after showing off his huge tattoo of a pirate ship (How did this get by us before?), his new hash name now and forever more is “Check Out My Mast.” After 69 visits from the Park Ranger, we all sucked down as much food as we could in 3 minutes and got a piece before we were locked-in until 2010.

On-On!
Casual Friday

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Runs #497
Goonies Hash
Saturday, September 26th, 2009

• Where: Meet in Flatwoods Wilderness Park, located at 14302 Morris Bridge Rd, Thonotosassa, Florida.  Once in the park, park in the parking are just past the cones blocking the  "Rangers Only Access Area".

• When: Meet at 4:00 PM, on trail at 5:00 PMish. Please note the earlier than usual times!

• Direction: Click here for a map.

• From I-275 & I-4, in Central Tampa: Go west on I-4, north on I-75 for 5.9 miles, right or east on Fletcher/Morris Bridge Road for about 4.4 miles and find the Flatwoods Wilderness Park on the left.
   

• From Wesley Chapel, to the north: Go south on I-75, from Hwy 54, for 12.4 miles. Go left, or east on Morris Bridge Road/Fletcher for about 4.6 miles and find the Flatwoods Wilderness Park on the left.
   

• From Brandon, to the south: Go north on I-75, from Hwy 60 for 9.5 miles, right or east on Fletcher/Morris Bridge Road for about 4.4 miles and find the Flatwoods Wilderness Park on the left.
   

• From Lakeland, to the east: Go east on I-4, north on I-75, right or east on Fletcher/Morris Bridge Road for about 4.4 miles and find the Flatwoods Wilderness Park on the left.
   

• From Carrollwood, to the west: Go west Fetcher, from Dale Mabry Hwy, for about 9.5 miles until you get to I-75. Fletcher becomes Morris Bridge Road after I-5. Continue for about 4.5 miles on Morris Bridge Road and find the  find the Flatwoods Wilderness Park on the left.
   

• Theme: Trail will be based loosely on the movie, which was made in the 80's.  Wear something associated with Goonies or 80's style movie attire.

• Trail: It is going to be a full shiggy trail but nothing that has to be plowed, it will all be manicured shiggy with numerous water crossings with creative means of crossing them.  We are going to be recreating numerous aspects of the movie throughout the trail to include SAFE BOOB (E) traps, a pirate ship, and of course Baby Ruths. 

• Hares: LostMyBalls and DeadManComing will be the hares.

• Donations: $6 for the hash and $4 for food at the on after (BBQ burgers and dogs, etc afterwards in the park).

• On After: The on after will be in the park in one of the picnic areas

• RSVP: Please let us know if you plan to attend and if you plan to eat at the on after. Send your RSVP to dab@jollyrogerh3.com and alaskacobalt@gci.net.

• Who's Coming So Far: Click here to see who's coming so far.

• Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.