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Rectal and Lost are leading the ways
We’ll be lost in the shiggy for days
If they don’t lay it well
We’ll find them by their smell
They will be toast, just like the Rays
REPEAT AFTER ME:
Bless these hares
Bless this trail
Coppus no catch us
Rainus no soak us
In the name of
And The Holy Run
Jolly Roger H3 Hash Trash
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Live Hares: Lost My Balls & Rectal Roommate
Wanks both human and canine showed up in the rain to catch the hares, and Taint Tickler showed up to attempt a 3-peat “win” of the FRB chain. Of course he spent the hash social hour complaining of a leg cramp just incase he didn’t get it in the end (ick). It was a good evening for virgins and 2-timers, as they were all of the male persuasion. Bug spray, shiggy socks, and plastic body bags were the tallest orders at sundown. Chalk talk included the usual trail signs as well as a package check, which eventually proved to be bogus (bastard wankers). The live hares asked for 10 minutes but I think they got 10 seconds before the FRBs were tired of standing around in the rain and took off.
The trail can be summarized in short as, 1) water crossing 2) water crossing 3) tit check 4) tit check 5) tit check 6) tit check 7) tit check 8) no beer. Game over.
The pack seemed to entertain itself with the water crossings as most wanks were not prepared to step into foul water up to the “danger zone” area, nor did they want to. GatorAte was frightened as he remembered the last vaginal yeast infection he got in his eye from his last “water-crossing.” I threw caution to the wind and plowed through the water only to scare a water snake or two out of my way; I told myself they were just a couple of sticks and continued on. At the opposite bank, I found myself surrounded by toilet paper and flour blops, so I knew I was onto something. The pack soon caught on and joined me after a lot of moaning and groaning. I snickered as the umbrellas and clear plastic body-clingwrap wouldn’t help the princess wankers stay dry through this part of trail. We wandered around squishy grass just to find ourselves crossing more nasty water by balancing on a cement dam not more than .69-inches thick, which separated the wanks from the wieners. Once again, the plastic body bags didn’t help anybody’s balancing efforts on this crossing. After running through more shiggy and boggy areas, harriettes were ready to find a package check; but we were S.O.L. Most wanks were dying of thirst as we must have been on trail for at least 6.9 days without liquid refreshment. Pack members came upon the glorious trail mark “BN” and we all got excited, we even picked up our pace a bit! We were confused as we passed a sign that read “no beer” which then led us to think up a list of tragic accidents that could happen to the hares in circle. Good thing the runners pressed on and did not range, as the beer van was in sight and all was zen with the world. The way I saw it, the hares were asking for trouble as a “no beer” trail mark was not schooled in chalk talk.
The runners ran into disgruntled walkers as they apparently missed the beer stop. They saw “no beer” but did not run into the beer van. At the final leg of trail, 6 strong runners sand-bagged near the finish so Taint Tickler could once again wear the chain that pulls out his groin hairs and chaffs his nipples; he told us he enjoys it.
Trail trial was predictable; trail sucked because there was not enough water crossings, not enough ladies’ checks, and not near enough beer; I was also wondering where the hell the package check was. Rash 4 Days volunteered beer angel duty and Taint was called-in for sucking chalk as he disintegrated his piece of chalk between his butt-cheeks on trail (ick). Two virgins entertained us with a quick joke and three 2-timers entertained us with blowjobs. Rash4Days noted that she now knows what it is like to have two mouths on her at the same time; she's such a showoff. Taint was pulled into circle to torture us all by giving it to himself again with the chain, he sure loves an audience! He also cleansed his own brainless award, as he was given the skull again. During his down-down we all scattered like cockroaches knowing we could be in the line of fire when he threw the skull donations over and beyond his old bald head as he’s done the last 69 times. Last but not least, Balls was called in the circle for bringing Disturbia and not using her (it) as his drinking vessel, which was its original intent. So Disturbia executed her first inaugural JRH3 vag-chugg over Balls; and I’m not about to say that this was Lost My Balls’ receiving of his first vag-chug, by any means. He did it like a seasoned pro.
The wanks were soggy and tired, but still the pack got a piece!
Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
Where: Meet in the rear parking lot of the Wing House Bar & Grill, located at 5003 US HWY 301 N, in Tampa, Florida.
From I-4 & I-275, in Central Tampa:
From Wesley Chapel, to the north:
From Brandon, to the south:
From Lakeland, to the east:
From Oldsmar, to the west: