Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Runs #490
4th Annual Super Soaker Hash
Saturday, August 29th, 2009

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Hare Blessings

We are all here to get super soaked
and Rectal have us stoked
A shitty trail they laid
For that they will get sprayed
Let us hope our guns do not get broked


Bless these hares
Bless this trail
no catch us
Guns no jam us
Supers do soak us
In the name of
The Flour
The Fun
The water Gun
And The Holy Run



Hash Trash

Saturday, August 29, 2009
Jolly Roger Super Soaker Hash
Hares: GRC & Rectal Roommate

START: It all started with 75 bags of water balloons, 169 water guns of all shapes and sizes, and wankers from near and far. Six JRH3 first-timers were in for some wet fun as they stood cheek-to-cheek reciting their names and pointing at who made them cum. Lost My Balls entered the circle as the last wank to win the 1,069-pound FRB chain. The pack was all-a-snicker while assessing Balls’ latest skin condition; it looked like a cross between green fungi growing out of his skin and algae rubbed all over him; imagine the Jolly Green Giant meeting the business end of a wood chipper. Being that he forgot to disguise his pasty-white face, he could have worn a plastic grocery bag over his head to fit right into the over-grown golf course terrain covered with water balloons in white plastic grocery bags. The hares gave chalk talk on the wall, which did not last long as smart-aleck wanks rinsed it off with their sad attempts at squirting GRC. Rectal entertained us with his bright yellow shorty-shorts and lily white thighs. Hares were blessed while I ran to the street to mark a true trail to point the pack in the right direction.

ON-OUT: The pack was herded through a defunct over-grown golf course which quickly turned into a battlefield of balloon launchings and sneak attacks with squirt guns. Lost My Balls lost his camouflage disguise quickly as his green pain was water-soluble. The shiggy glued to his skin lasted a bit longer, just enough to give him the strangest sunburn we’ve ever seen on a human being. The fire ants finished the job and gave his skin a new urban camouflage look. Speaking of shiggy, there has got to be a good story of how Rash 4 Dayz got the green slime transferred to her face.

The trail wound the pack around 69 miles of tall shiggy in the energy-sucking sun and through ant hills from Hell. The water guns were shooting burning-hot water and the balloons hidden in the shiggy were popping from boiling in extreme heat before they were found. I promise that next year I will whore myself out for a weekend to make an extra $5.00 to contribute to higher quality balloons. Flying While Intoxicated picked himself up a reserved parking sign, hoping his apartment complex would honor it. Not sure if the “Senior Club Champion” sign will fly with his property management; he might have to make up a good story of what makes him a champion. His wife picked up a name sign which ought to look real good on their front door , “Jack Weed.” All the teens will be knocking on their door soon.

Guns were re-filled at the first beer stop and the pack got stuck on a check-back 18. 69 wankers were running back without counting; and Puppy was blamed. Taint Tickler topped his “most embarrassing moment” by giving the pack an interpretive dance at a Gentlemen's check; it even beat his Michael Jackson rendition of a few months ago. Guns were re-filled again at the second beer stop and the pack was looking forward to ending the God-forsaken heat stroke that almost killed us all. We crawled to the pool at the finish, dropping our guns behind in the grass, hoping the pool would cool-down our inner core temperature. That was wishful thinking, as the pool temperature was 1,069 degrees.

CIRCLE UP: Trail trial was executed and of course the hares drank. The JRH3 first timers went through the beer quickly, I was kept running back and forth from the van in the front yard to the pool in the back. That explained my dehydration. Taint Ticker pitched in with the Beer Angel Duties as it was a demanding duty! OnOn watched the blow-job from his little blue raft, and Surfing 4 Snapper and Failure to Launch were tied up for 10 JRH3 hashes. Taint Tickler was tied up for 150 hash runs while sitting in his grandma’s chair, Dabadoo and his toothpick were tied up for a whopping 450 hashes. Wanna Earn An A collected what was left of wankers’ chalk and Lost My Balls gave the chain to himself. Shot By a Whore won the brainless for leaving the JRH3 once again to move to St. Louis. It was humorous watching him attempt to run around the circle at the speed of light in chest-deep water while Rectal held fast onto the back of his swim trunks like a floating leach. Many accusations were to be had, GatorAte showed off his toddler-ass again, Swing Lo was sung and the hash got a piece.

On-On, Casual Friday

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Runs #490
4th Annual Super Soaker Hash
Saturday, August 29th, 2009

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