CJolly Roger H3 Hash Trash
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hares: Casual Friday & Wanna Earn An A

Wanna and I laid not a shiggy trail from Hell, but from purgatory. Wanks were forewarned, but I think they did not believe it. The pack welcomed Oops and Virgin Teddy, as well as a harriett from Arizona. The rain held off while the hares were blessed and ran from pre-circle sporting wide grins.

ON-OUT: Within minutes, wankers were brought to a utility easement for one-third of a mile. Of course, that turned into two-thirds of a mile, as the dark-colored water and high shiggy-infested straightaway was a check back. Why would they expect anything other than THAT? GatorAteMyPenis and others made it all the way to the CB18 mark on the tree stumps. I am told Just Tabatha and Just Brian ran beyond it; I think the FRBs allowed them to continue on purpose. There was a shiggy-way around most of the water, but I was not about to run the toilet paper in that direction for them; the water areas were fun photo opportunities and I was praying that someone would fall in the smelly brown stuff.

The next section of trail took the pack to a few stroller-friendly roads and a wooden scenic boardwalk which gave Just Tabatha a chance to take wankers to a check back which brought them over barbed wire and into a retention pond. YBF was chalked on the fence and it took a few minutes for wanks to find the mark; we hares did that on purpose; I love this game! True trail from the decision point made a right turn into the forest where more water and trillions of man-eating flying bugs waited for them. The big mud-puddles were difficult to avoid, and knowing the terrain would slow the entire pack down, Wanna and I kept bad trails to a minimum. We figured we would catch one or two FRBs in them and that would be enough. Low and behold, Bangs Her Mash fell for the worse one; he followed toilet paper over a fallen tree to water which caught him as he fell in; so much for his bright yellow t-shirt. A few wanks went through prickery vines which shredded their shins; perhaps the water would have been a better choice? Just Matt clung onto bushes, trees and harriettes (nice move, Just Matt!) to sneak past the muddy water so he would not get his princess feet wet. LostMyBalls decided it was a good place to range, and found a gator beneath his feet. I am sure his heart jumped into his mouth and his balls climbed up to where his heart used to be. This section of trail was supposed to bring the pack to the bike path and to the beer stop; however Ed the Sock had other ideas for the pack. He directed the pack through more marked shiggy; bypassing the much needed nectar from the hash Gods.

The pack was given a few more handicapped-friendly roads, just to be tortured again with a shiggy straightaway for a CB16. The shiggy was over their heads, so they faithfully followed the toilet paper to the check-back chalk mark on a large rock. I cannot imagine what words were muttered at that time (I can, but I will not document them). While Wanna and I waited for the pack at On-In, it was a photo finish between Gator, Saigon Sally and Just Matt. We thought for sure Saigon had Gator by a nose, but at the last minute, Just Matt cut between cars and cut them both off for the WIN; Boyz will be boyz. While experiencing a bit of dehydration and exhaustion, the rest of the pack made it back to start, either covered in blood, covered in mud, or soaked up to their necks in brown smelly water. Perhaps for most of them, it was all the above.

CIRCLE: Lost was not in yet; he was last seen ranging in the forest, so we decided to conduct Trail Trial and the hares would then sweep for him. Circle started, and Lost came out of nowhere with eyes as big as saucers and he was out of breath. He told us of his ranging which added 69 miles of shiggy to his trail and his stepping on a Gator. I could not have planned that one any better! It took Lost 169 minutes to catch his breath, calm his heart rate down, and pull his balls out of his chest cavity. SexyWetback and TattooTheDrumStickDick were beer angels and the only two wanks with dry, clean clothes. Just Matt was given the 1,069 pound chain to wear, and wear it proud, he did! Just Matt also received his whistle from RashForDayz (quite a big night for him), and Just Brian received his from Just Tabatha. This was the first time I have seen a drink-off in the JRH3 circle for the brainless award. Lost was nominated for ranging, getting lost and stepping on a gator and Ed the Sock was nominated for taking the pack away from their beer stop. Both nominees received huge applause so the drink off began, and Ed got the skull. Just Tabatha went through the naming process and will now and forever more be known as, until we decide to change it, “Smash & Blow.”

Much laughter was had, new shiggy stories were born, and the hash got a piece larger than they bargained for; it was all good.

Special "apres trail" note from LostMyBalls: It was a trail the large majority of my body will not forget anytime soon. I am out of Neosporin. I somehow have a bruise by my eye. And I have a sudden fear of all lizards. But on the bright side, the spiders that came with the webs did not apparently bite me though the shiggy most certainly did. Fun trail. I am exhausted.

On-On!
Casual Friday .
 

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Runs #478
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
 

• Where: Meet in the secondary parking lot of the Ballyhoo Grill. The parking lot, is located behind the nearby computer store. The address is 7604 Ehrlich Rd, Tampa, FL 33625.

• When: Meet at 6:30 PM, on trail at 7:30 PM sharp!

• Directions: Click here for a map.

  • From I-275 & Dale Mabry, in Central Tampa: Go south on I-275, north on the Veterans Expressway for about 10.5 miles, left, or west on Ehrlich for .3 miles and find Ballyhoos on the left at Gunn Hwy.

  • From Wesley Chapel, to the north: Go south on I-75, south on I-275, right, or west at Exit 53, on Bearrs, which will become Ehrlich upon crossing Dale Mabry for 7.5 miles and find Ballyhoos on the left at Gunn Hwy.

  • From St. Pete, to the south: Go north on I-275, north on the Veteran's Expressway, at Exit 39B, for about 10.5 miles, left, or west on Ehrlich for .3 miles and find Ballyhoos on the left at Gunn Hwy.

  • From Brandon, to the east: Go north on I-75, west on I-4, north on I-275, left, or west at Exit 53, on Bearrs, which will become Ehrlich upon crossing Dale Mabry for 7.5 miles and find Ballyhoos on the left at Gunn Hwy.

  • From Clearwater to the west: Go east on Hwy 60, north on the Veteran's Expressway, for 8.3 miles, left, or west on Ehrlich for .3 miles and find Ballyhoos on the left at Gunn Hwy.

• Remarks: Trail will not be dog or stroller freindly! This trail contains deep shiggy!

• Cost: $6 donation.

• Hares: WannaEarnAnA & Casual Friday will be the hares.

• On After: The on after will be at the Ballyhoo Grill, back at the start.

• Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.