Jolly Roger Hash Trash
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Hares: GoDaddy.com, PurplePenisEater & DudeLooksLikeALady

After driving through “the perfect storm” to get to the start location, wanks circled up in the parking lot at a local bar in Valrico. Black&DeckerPeckerWrecker graced our presence and brought us Virgin Dawn who had no idea what to expect. Nauti (on)Call Girl showed up in all her summery red, white and blue splendor, as most wanks were sporting the requested tri-colored theme for the hash. Of course, I must mention Lightning Rod’s pirate earrings; she was very proud of them and told me to make a note of them in the hash trash.

PACK AWAY! We ran into immediate shiggy from hell and it was fantastic! Many vines wrapped around many legs and tripped up front-runners as we were too busy looking up in tree branches for pre-laid wet toilet paper to make our way through the swamp. We lost On-On for a bit, as he was easily hidden beneath the vine-covered forest. The placement of the shiggy at the beginning of trail worked out well; it kept the pack together and we all had a great time fighting through the green ropes. The pack broke free from the forest and head down 69-miles of railroad tracks; my ankles will never be the same. Of course Saigon Sally and GatorAteMyPenis flew over the tracks; easy to do when you only weigh 69 pounds (I’ll give GatorAte and additional 1,069 pounds for the FRB chain that he shows off every hash). Trail brought us to some nice houses and calypso music which would have made a fine location for a shot check as the FRBs were feeling festive at that point. After milling about in the shade while all liquid drained out of our bodies through our sweat glands, five of us dehydrated wanks decided to continue forward with trail and catch up on our intake of shots and water at the finish. Something happened when the music changed from calypso to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album. GatorAte flashed his glove while heading down the street and I knew we were in trouble when TaintTickler started dancing to “Thriller”. Taint and AlwaysTheBull turned into pack zombies and went berserk with the markings. True trail marks were covered up with horse poo, new bad trail signs were marked on true trail, and general trail-marking-havoc was wreaked! I thought for sure the pack behind us was screwed as it turned into every wank for himself; so I pushed ahead.

CIRCLE UP! Everybody made it in to finish and thanked the hares for the quickly disappearing Jell-O shots. B&D did her Flash Dance bit with the bottled water and scored a 9.6 rating. Bull liked the blueberry shots; as she dug her fingers into the Jell-O the rest of us enjoyed her blue Dirty Sanchez. Lucky and Lightning left before trail trial, things just were not as festive when the pirate earrings went home. Lucky escaped his accusation of auto-hashing, but he paid for that by allowing Taint into his van (now there’s a visual!). Trail trial was typical, a few hashers bitched about it being long and hot. For the love of God and my country, NOBODY should bitch about getting it long and hot—at least be happy you’re getting it for crying out loud!

Sorry, I digress.

Mr. Showoff got the FRB chain again, I forgot to mention in circle how Gator and Saigon raced to win the first beer check. I could have tripped Gator, but then I’d be in for an accusation. Virgin Dawn entertained us with a joke that lasted 1,169 hours; GatorAte allowed her to finish reciting her novella because she was cute. The rest of us harriettes know that if we were out there blabbing for half the day, we would have been tarred and feathered and then stoned-to-death. The brainless award went to the trail zombies, Taint and Bull for creating mass-confusion on trail. B&D drank with her virgin for not schooling Virgin Dawn to wear the appropriate colors to the hash. AlwaysTheBull received the award for the best dressed red, white and blue harriette, and Dabadoo won the prize for the best dressed harriers. Dab was tied up for 450 hashes and Taint was busted for chalk sucking as he used up his piece while drawing bullshit hare signs on trail. Gator was busted for showing off race gear (does he just not GET what hashing is all about?), Taint was busted for a very bad Michael Jackson dance (I NEVER want to see him grab his crotch and lift his leg, EVER again!), Dude was busted using nerd names, and I had to drink for taking notes. I’m here to say, I am the sharpest Tard-hasher in the bunch as I realize without my notes, I’m just as brainless as the rest of them!

Swing Low was pieced and the hash got a song.

Big and huge thanks to the hares for a very fun trail and all the effort put into offering the pack Jell-O shots and wonderful food at the on-afters. You three ROCK!

On-On!
Casual Friday .

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Runs #475
Independence Day Hash
Saturday, July 4th, 2009
 

Where: Meet in the parking lot of Dingo's Sports Bar, located at 3112 State Road 60 E, in Valrico, Florida. RSVP requested!

When: Meet at 5:00 PM, on trail at 6:00 PMish.

Directions: Click here for a map.

From Wesley Chapel, to the north: Go south on I-75 from Hwy 54, for 21.8 miles. Go left, or east on Hwy 60, at Exit 257 towards Brandon for 6.7 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the left just after the railroad tracks.

From Bradenton/Sarasota, to the south: Go north on I-75, right, or east on Hwy 60, at Exit 257 towards Brandon for 6.7 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the left just after the railroad tracks.

From I-4 & County Line Road, in Lakeland, to the east: Go left, or south on County Line Road, at Exit 25, for .8 miles. Go right, or west on Baker Street for 3.1 miles. Go left, or south on Parker Rd for .8 miles. Go right, or west on Alsobrook Street for 1 mile. Go left, or south on Collins Street for 4.8 miles. Go left or west on Hwy 60 for 6.8 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the right, just prior to the railroad tracks. Or, go west on I-4, south on I-75, at Exit 9, for 4.1 miles. Go left, or east on Hwy 60, at Exit 257 towards Brandon for 6.7 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the left just after the railroad tracks.

From I-4 and I-275, in Central Tampa, to the west: Go east on I-4 for 8.1 miles. Go south on I-75, at Exit 9, for 4.1 miles. Go left, or east on Hwy 60, at Exit 257 towards Brandon for 6.7 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the left just after the railroad tracks.

From South Tampa, to the southwest: Go northeast on the Crosstown Expressway to Exit 12. Go left, or north on 78th Street for .5 miles. Go right, or east on Hwy 60 for 8.7 miles and find Dingo's Sports bar on the left just after the railroad tracks.

Theme: Independence Day will be the theme. Wear red, white & blue. There will be prizes for the best dressed.

Remarks: There will shots along trail and lots of shiggy.

Hares: PurplePenisEater, GoDaddyDotCom & DudeLooksLikeA-Lady will be the hares.

Cost: $6 donation for the hash and an optional/additional $3 for pizza delivery at the on after.

On After: The on after will be at Dingo's, back at the start where they will have karaoke starting at 9:00 PM. There is no food served at Dingos, so we will be ordering pizza delivery.

RSVP: An RSVP is requested. Please indicate if you plan to pitch in and extra $3 for pizza delivery for the on after. Send your RSVP to dab@jollyrogerh3.com.

Who's Coming So Far: Click here to see who's coming so far.

Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.