Again Kitty and Stretch are it
Their crap trails send us into a fit
'Cause without these hares
We'd be home seeing not venon tit

Bless these hares
Bless this trail
Coppus not catch us
Coitus no interupt us

In the name of the flour
The fun
And the holy run

On Off!

Jolly Roger Hash Trash
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Hares: Kitty Litter and Stretchy Bitz

PRE-CIRCLE: Kitty Litter and Stretchy Bitz were live hares for Trail that started at Derby Lanes. The weather was great and so was the turnout. 69 seconds prior to on-out, we were joined by a car full of drunken late cummers (say it isn’t so!). There was a butt-load of harriettes, Lost My Balls and a big red balloon, all squished into one vehicle. Someone must remind me to get the story on the balloon girls at a later date. Chalk talk was given by Kitty, we paid attention to the semi-new virgin check, but we were too lame to notice there was no beer stop trail sign. It turned out to be KEY, but more on that, later.

ON-OUT: Trail led wanks through the infamous homeless/dumping site, where the homeless go to leave their clothes and trash scattered around and wankers go to pop a squat. We all held our noses as some of us crossed the water on a tree log and some of us ran through the wet nasty stuff. As WillSing4Head heaved his big dog on his back to cross the water, a flashback from last year of Ripley knocking WillSing’s glasses off into the water raced through my brain. I warned him he was on his own for a search and rescue mission this time around. Trail took us behind the Greyhound holding area where 69 sleek canines were lined up with their heads peeking over the wall watching the hash with excitement. No doubt they wanted to join in the chasing of the hares. We then found ourselves greeted with 3 ladies’ checks within two feet of each other. It was too much for Porto-pussy as he blew through them all while Lost My Balls and GatorAte My Penis hit the heavy shiggy to see what they could find. While GatorAte was busy looking for toilet paper Lost My Balls zeroed in on Kitty Litter’s bright red flowery shirt and charged through the trees and thick shrubs to snare him. The rest of us scaled a 569 foot fence which proved to be quite a challenge for Taint Tickler; a light bulb went on and he realized he wasn’t 20 years old anymore as he was hanging upside-down on the fence. We hit one of the many decision points and a few silly wanks ran down a posted dead-end street with conviction, while the rest of us thirsty wanks pushed on through the curvy road wondering where on God’s green earth the beer van was stashed. Eagles were slowed down at the entrance of the dog track as we spent precious time trying to find flour; I don’t want to mention that we knew the start was less than 169 yards away in plain sight across the parking lot. We must have been delirious with thirst and our hunger for cheesy balls, or simply hell-bent on finding that damn beer angel! One flour dollop was found and we figured out that the start was the finish and realized us Eagles were denied a beer stop! WTF? GatorAte and Nauti Call Girl raced to the finish with Nauti ahead by a nose. Ah...youngsters...they’ll get over racing one day and focus more on important things such as saving the joints for sex on trail!

CIRCLE
Circle commenced after waiting for the balloon girls to find finish (You know who you are Likes to Watch, Purity, I’ll Take ‘Em, and Just Stephanie!). Good thing Room Service was with them to bring them in or we’d find probably them feeding hash crack to the greyhounds behind the track. Trail trial brought 69 wankers into circle to drink; we then knew there would be no mercy for the hares. Just Vicki had joined the Jolly Roger pack as her new temporary home and said hello in Hawaiian. While Semper Bi was squeezing her Thighmaster, a tiny toddler was helping the beer angel keep up with the runners’ thirst as we had a lot of drinking to make up for. Nauti received the chain for the finish FRB; I have no idea how to call the beer stop FRB since the Eagles got gypped. I do know however, it wasn’t the balloon girls. As anyone could call this one, Kitty Litter won the brainless award for purposely not giving the runners a beer stop and thinking we wouldn’t mind. Lost My Balls should have received more credit for snaring Kitty Litter, but we were still delirious from serious lack of Bud Light. Just Stephanie was put through the ringer and came out “Toast Her Oven.” The name makes you wonder what the story is, so put this on your list of things to ask about.

The hash broke and headed to Kahuna’s to get a piece.

On-On!
Casual Friday

 

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Run #459
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

• Where: Meet in the northwest far corner of the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack parking lot, located at 10490 Gandy Blvd N, in St Petersburg, Florida. Its directly across the street from Kahuna's Bar & Grill.

• When: Meet at 6:30 PM, on trail at 7:30 PM sharp!

• Directions: Click here for a map.

  • From I-275 and Dale Mabry, in Central Tampa: Go south on Dale Mabry, right, or west on Gandy Blvd across Tampa Bay, continue for about a mile or so and find the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack on the left.
     

  • From Wesley Chapel, to the north: Go south on I-75, south on I-275 across Tampa Bay, merge onto 4th Street, at Exit 32, for 3 miles, left, or east on Gandy and  find the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack on the right.
     

  • From Bradenton/Sarasota, to the south: Go north on I-275 across Tampa Bay, via the Sunshine Skyway Bridge, right, or east on Gandy and find the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack on the right.

  • From Brandon to the east: Go east on the Crosstown Expressway, west on Gandy across Tampa Bay, continue for about a mile or soand find the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack the left.
     

  • From the Gulf Beaches, to the west: Go north or south on Gulf Blvd to find 190th Ave/Park Street. Go east on Park Blvd, which becomes Gandy after cross in US Hwy 19. Continue past 4th street and find the Derby Lanes Greyhound Racetrack on the right.

• Cost: $6 donation.
   

• Hare: KittyLitter & StretchBitz will be the hares.
   

• On After: The on after will be at Kahuna's, directly across the street from the start.  Please do not park there until after the hash is over as there is limited parking with construction going on around it and its bike night at Kahunas until about 9:00 PM.
   

 

• Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 727-204-9837.