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Compliments of Gator8
Jolly Roger H3
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Hares: Stretchy Bitz, Casual Friday and Dibbs on the Couch
A good 40 wanks gathered at Crescent Lake Park in beautiful weather; we had
visitors, virgins, and wanking canines. All of JRH3’s Speedy Gonzales FRBs
showed up to snare Stretchy Bitz and me, as we advertised a live trail.
Little did they know they would be led through “Homeless Central” and the
country’s biggest triathlon; as well as get two beer stops and two trail
trolls! Lots of logistic planning went into this one, geocachers were given
coordinates, the secret hare was given maps, instructions and a cooler of
Jell-O shots, the beer angel was given maps and instructions; I executed all
of this and yet forgot to put on my running shoes. I told Stretchy that I
wouldn’t mention his disappointment in the hash trash when I made him shave
off 69 miles of the Turkey Trail so they wouldn’t be out there all night
long. Chalk talk was written and we added a new trail sign; it was a virgin
check. We included the dreaded FUUFF for the FRBs, as Stretchy wanted to
give out a piece of what he bit off running Eagle on a previous trail.
We were given a 69 second head start and within 69 inches of trail, we marked a Turkey/Eagle split so the pregnant Turkeys and canine wanks wouldn’t get caught at the 1,069 mile FUUFF. Luck had it, the pack watched Stretchy run down the Eagle trail and the entire pack blindly followed the FRBs like a heard of cattle and totally missed the T/E split. Of course there’s a chance that they knew the Turkey Trail Troll forgot the Jell-O shots, or perhaps they were anxious to meet and greet the homeless folks at Mirror Lake on the Eagle Trail. After falsely winding wankers around Mirror Lake, Stretchy was chased into the first beer stop where I was chatting with the beer angel. It’s a shame the front runners used what energy they had left after a long CH50 to kick into high gear and chase a dead hare. I welcomed Stretchy into the “EHS” (Evil Haring Society), our member numbers are growing! The runners where at the beer stop so us hares were ready to leave when much to our surprise, 369 Turkey wanks walked into the parking lot with their dogs and a thirst for beer. Holy cow! The Trail Troll (Dibbs on the Couch) must have been sitting in an empty lot on the turkey trail all by herself without any Jell-O shots to keep her occupied! I wonder if she sang any verses of “Chicago Department Store” by herself. There was nothing to do but take off for the next exciting leg of Trail…the triathlon! Yay!
We previously called ahead to make sure there would be a HUGE event at Straub Park to give us live hares some cover; the Gods shined on us as the St. Anthony’s triathlon used our trail as part of their event! What luck! The pack ran through 69 outdoor cafes full of people, ran through the Calypso band and through the triathlon cycling course. It was a good thing we slipped $169 to a hot security guard so she would lift up the fencing and her shirt to let the pack slip through the cycling course to continue on Trail without serious athletes getting in our way. Through all of this, we only lost one wank in the pack, Naughty Call Girl; my guess is she finished the triathlon somewhere in the top 10. The pack gathered at the second beer stop, despite the geocaching, hare chasing, and general chaos. After a 69 second head start, Stretchy and I took off for the 3rd and final leg of Trail which included the Evil Eagle Trail Troll. The FRBs got stuck at the Trail Troll stop were Dibbs made them complete 169 jumping jacks and spin around 69 times before they could continue on to Finish, just two blocks down the brick road.
I broke out the cold Jell-O shots prior to circle, and you guessed it, they were gone in 69 seconds. Everybody gave a thumbs-up for trail trial, yet Stretchy, Dibbs and I volunteered to drink anyway. GatorAte drank for the FRB; I think the jumping jacks had slowed down Saigon Sally this time around. We were entertained by four virgins and Dibbs on the Couch was tied up for 10 hashes. Just Rich had to drink for wearing his motorcycle gloves and Semper Bi drank because she couldn’t get off on the ball nor keep her knees together (FYI: photo #86). Where’s My Goat cleansed the Brainless Skull which was awarded to Sweet I Da Ho for not telling her virgin to keep her new shoes at home. Just Carol got the bone and I Da Ho got covered in beer…a win-win situation!
TOP 5 LESSONS LEARNED:
1. You can lead Turkeys to water, but they’ll think it’s a mirage.
2. Leave a ball on trail; a harriet will always put it between her thighs.
3. Give a map to Just Debbie, Turkeys will turn into Eagles.
4. Bring a pregnant harriet as a back-up beer angel.
5. The same FRBs can consistently be f*cked.
The hash got a BIG piece and scurried to Limey’s for cold beer and many renditions of “Chicago Store.”
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Saturday, April 25th, 2009
Meet in Crescent Lake Park, located at 1320 5th Street N, in St Petersburg, Florida.
When: Meet at 5:00 PM, on trail at 6:00 PMish. Please note the change back to the "normal" times.
Directions: Click here for a map.Go south on US-19, left onto 54th Ave N, for .9 miles, south on I-275 for 1.8 miles, left on 22nd Ave N, at Exit 24, for .2 miles, right onto 5th St N for .5 miles and find Crescent Lake Park on the right.
From Clearwater, to the north:
From I-275 & I-75, near Bradenton, to the south: Go north on I-275 across the Sunshine Skyway Bridge for 22.3 miles, merge onto I-375, at Exit 23 towards The Pier, turn slight left onto 4th Ave N/FL-595 E, for .3 miles, left onto 3rd Street N/US-92E/FL-687 N for .6 miles, left onto 13th Ave N for .1 mile, right onto 5th St N and find Crescent Lake Park on the left.
From I-4 & I-275, in Central Tampa, to the east: Go south on I-275 across the Howard Franklin Bridge, for 20.3 miles, left on 22nd Ave, at Exit 24, for 1.3 miles, right onto 5th Street N for.5 miles and find Crescent Lake Park on the right.
From the Gulf Beaches to the west: Go north or south on Gulf Blvd to get to 107th Ave/Treasure Island Causeway/CR-150 E for 2.3 miles, left on Pasadena Ave/US-19A Alt N/FL-690 N/FL-693 N for .5 miles, right onto 5th Ave N, north on I-275 for .8 miles, right onto 22nd Ave for 1.2 miles, right onto 5th Street N for .5 miles and find Crescent Lake Park on the right.
Hares: StrethchyBitz, CasualFriday and a secret hare will be the hares.
Cost: $6 donation.
On After: The on after will be at Limey's Pub, located at 1492 4th Street. To get there from the starting location, go left, or north on 5th Street and make the first right onto 14th Ave for .1 mile, left on 4th Street and find Limey's on the left.
Phone Number: For more information, or in case you get lost, call our mobile phone at 813-943-4855.