Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Run #401
Thursday, August 7th, 2008

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Hash Trash

The Pack gathered for another shiggy-licious trail, promised by Harelip Dogg and myself, Casual Friday. We lost some princesses from the last heavy-shiggy trail, but gained a fine group of new victims! While seeing the usual hearty FRBs and short-cutters; we knew we still had a great chance of remaining snareless due to our haring trickery we've mastered. After a week of trail time trials, Hare watches were synchronized and we took offÖat least one of us did, I looked behind me and saw Harelip draw another mug of beer from the keg and offer tips to GRC for chalk talk.

From a hare's point of view, I tried to ignore all the horrified looks from the parents of children practicing football, cheerleading, and eating Twinkies in the park; as I blew right through them laying white powdery stuff in the field for their little ones to roll around in. Harelip caught up to me with his 69-foot long legs and we found the opening  to the woods. We turned into the shiggy as I had visions of the pack screaming, "Oh shit, not again!" I tugged on my toilet paper and started reaching for branches while Harelip blew ahead (he wouldn't tell me whose it was). He jumped the fence to lay the runners' trail while I continued to lay the Turkey Trail; we met at the beer stop. We refueled our flour bags and pressed on. I laid my usual hiding of powder to trick the FRBs into check backs while Harelip laid 6,000 ladies' checks for the runners. Near the finish, my co-hare slapped my butt while I was bending down drawing "BN" on the road. Does that mean I've been snared?

I was told Portopussy blew through a Bad Trail, just to get to the beer check/hash halt. Nice try Porto, smart hares plan for runners such as you! On another note, Dogg Fucker stood at the BT thinking it meant "beer truck," while hearing the pack down the road at the actual hash halt/beer stop. Just Erik made it to the beer stop first, even after waiting for the harriettes to catch up to clear a ladies' check or two. The pack received another written clue in order to find the second half of trail, read by Gay Rodeo Clown. They figured out the clue quickly and continued.
My pen couldn't write fast enough to keep track of the bazillion ladies' checks on trail. Some boobs were flashed and some checks were solved; I was told it was a group effort among Wanna Earn An A, GRC and Hockey Phuck. The runners' shiggy was so dense; Taint Tickler thought he was back in Okinawa. The pack hit the fence obstacle which separated the GI Joes from the Peter Pans. Wanna tried 69 times and gave up; she walked around the fence to a secret hole we made for Peter Pans. Dogg Fucker gave it his military might and caught his jewel sack at the top of the fence; just to be on his back again on the ground. Camel Jockey called upon his ultimate martial arts skills to get over the fence; I understand he fell off and broke a bucket. He said it was okay because he used his skills to roll off of the pieces of the bucket quickly. The pack had a creek to cross, so Dildo Diva being the hearty Princess that she is ran around the 30-mile-long creek and caught up with the pack.
Just Jerry was the FRB at finish, I do believe he was the first walker awarded the FRB since I've been hashing with the Jolly
Rogers! Just Jerry got mad at Just Jimmy for not telling him walkers could win the hash. Here's your chain!
Just Jerry might be spared from carrying the chain on trail at the next JR hash because GRC perjured herself about carrying the 10,069 pound chain on trail this time. Lightening was applauded for having 40 hashes; and Just Jeff and Lucky Strike drank for being gone too long. It was pointed out that the last time anyone saw Lucky, he was escorting a drunken American Indian midget into a tent a few weeks ago. Two hashers drank in circle trail trial for being Whipped Dicks (they were TOLD to put thumbs down by some hater) and Lucky brought trail treasure to the circle (he found a fork in the road). The brainless award nominations went to Septic for not ever
getting the award (dude, you really do not want this one!), Dogg Fucker for leaving a testicle on the fence post, and Camel Jockey for use of his martial art skills. It was close, but Camel Jockey drank out of the skull.

Wanna gave Major Destroyer a 169-minute blow job and Just Jimmy finally received his hash name. After the  local news got a hold of him getting his finger stuck in a lock
at a Dairy Queen, he is now and forever known as "Finger in the Queen."
It doesn't get much better than that!
Casual Friday

Hash Clue

On pavement or shiggy
This trail is shitty!
But the hares donít care.
They donít need to be fair.
If you donít like the trail, itís no biggie.

Youíre only half-way there
On your trail to no-where
Runnerís backís to the fence
Walkerís to shiggy thatís dense
For more chances to snare a live hare

So that was your clue
The hares? Theyíre no fool
Their haring is sleazy
They wonít make it easy
Go sniff out trail or youíre screwed!

~ Harelip & Casual

Jolly Roger H3
of the Tampa Bay Metro Area
Run #401
Thursday, August 7th, 2008

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