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Jolly Roger H3 of the Tampa Bay Metro Area Run #397 Saturday, July 19th, 2008 |
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Hare BlessingX
The best laid plans of mice and men
Will always fail, remember then…
When a Hasher is sick
GRC, she comes quick
To rescue a hasher on the mend
A hash on the river is great
But when flying’s involved, we’ll wait
These contraptions aren’t flying
Oh shit, they’re dying!
A hasher who’s flying tempts fate
A last minute change to the hash
Means GRC pulls trail from her stash
It can’t be pre-laid
No one came to her aid
Shitty or not, it’s her ass!
Hash Trash
We gathered at a very cool place, Rick’s on the River. You can’t go wrong with the start location at a bar on the water! It was a very hot sticky day, and a long one as most wankers were watching the Red Bull Flugtag event out in the blazing sun all afternoon. Thank goodness our hare was GRC, as she knew to keep the trail short so she wouldn’t lose some of us to heat stroke.
While waiting for more hashers to show, GRC was heard screaming bloody murder on the phone. I looked around for Dab and saw that he was safe; it was not him on the other end of that one-way conversation. I thought I heard something along the lines of “Get the fuck outta there!” As well as, “I’m getting in my car now not to save you two, but to kick your asses!” Lesson learned; do not ride to a hash with Bed & Buckfest and Boudin unless you want to find yourself in Tampa's Crackville. I also learned not to call GRC when I’m lost.
Right before it was time to take off, Wanna Earn an A made the mistake by pointing out that she had her new sandals on. Doh! She must have seen the look on my face, so she made an about-face and retrieved her old ripped up running shoes to replace what she would have been drinking from in Circle. I’ve never seen a sandal-chug, but perhaps we’ll catch her soon and see how it’s done.
Just Mike, Oxymoron and Tit Whore were FRB most of the time; it was nice to run through the ladies' checks without stopping for a change! We ran by a Hillsborough squad car parked on trail; he must have known the chalk mark next to his car was a ladies’ check. Of course after that, we runners had a “roaming” squad car on our fannies; he probably wanted to see a ladies’ check for himself; I know how the cops talk to each other on their radios. Thank goodness Harelip chose to keep his shorts around his hips and not his knees at that time; as we had spent our bail money on beer.
We ran over a bridge on the Hillsborough River, and sure enough, SLF made an appearance on trail again (see Dab’s photos of the trail). He was a bit stinkier on this run, however. We reached the beer check just in time, as we were all melting and bitching. While some of us were gulping Bud Light, Harelip spied a fountain. It was one of the worst fountains we’d ever seen, as it was filled with stagnant water and lots of duck poop. We all watched Harelip by-pass the fountain in disbelief as he’s never done that before. After slipping on the boat ramp in the water, he ended up swimming laps in the Hillsborough River. GRC told us to drink up and offered a short-cut to the end. She pointed across the river to the start as she pulled away from the beer stop. The wanker had drawn in chalk “Go back to Start” and had parked the beer van on top of it during the beer check. So we all flipped her off and headed back to start.
Thank goodness a little person’s grocery cart was abandoned on trail, so I sat in it to rest. Pleasure Chest took it upon herself to chauffer my sorry fanny back to start, so she grabbed a hold of the bar and pushed me past the friendly deputy in his squad car and we made it the whole way finding each and every crack and crevice on trail (see hash photos). Many thanks to PC for the ride and the divots on my butt!
Circle included two blow jobs; Y=PI from Cincinnati and Ganja from Chattanooga retrieved their well-earned whistles. IBS did an outstanding job at demonstrating how not to drink from the brainless skull. During his demo, he allowed the beer to funnel out from the hose onto the ground (hash foul!). Guess who received the brainless award this time around? It doesn’t get much better than that! Just Mike received the FRB award and should have received a stud award for holding onto a palm frond the size of a tree and fanning us harriettes throughout circle (see photos). We harriettes do our best to train the new harriers correctly from their first hash, and it seems to be working.
On-On to more hashing fun!